Give voice to your thoughts.

We have a cat in our house. His name is Jake and he's been with us for more than 13 years. He's not so much a cat as he is a furry pillow with feet, moving from room to room, decorating the carpet, back of a loveseat, dining room chair or cedar chest. He doesn't really play very often, but he does "meow" from time to time. Like a newborn baby, his cries sound pretty much the same, so it's up to me to figure out what he wants. Is he out of food or water? Does he want some affection? Would he like to go in the backyard?

When a little one comes into this world, there is really only one means of communication. The problem is that you can't always discern if the cries are for hunger, affection, sickness or wetness. It's trial and error until those cries become more distinguishable (mad vs. hungry).

Many people suffer from the same unfortunate problem, even as adults. Oh, it's not about the "cry" so to speak, rather their lack of REAL communication. I know far too many people who lack the ability (or perhaps desire) to truly communicate their wants, needs, desires and hopes to others. And it's so unfortunate. How sad it is to see so many precious people keeping so much bottled up inside.

Words can accomplish many things. They reflect thought, emotion or information. When I talk to someone, I want to KNOW them. I want to FEEL what they feel. I want to learn from them. Otherwise, what is the point of talking to each other?

Of course it is easy to understand why so many people don't want to open themselves up to others. When I was student teaching, I even saw it in the little ones. It's all about fear. No one wants to put themselves on the line if they might be rejected or laughed at. (I did a great lesson on this, though, and it helped a lot. I'll have to post here about "The Dot" by Peter H. Reynolds sometime.)

On the other hand, much of our ability to overcome such fear is our belief in our own self-worth. A tremendous number of people suffer from low self-esteem or low self-confidence. I have had to work on this myself at times - and it's not easy - but the rewards are extraordinary. (Note: I also need to post about keeping track of successes.)

One quote, and I cannot remember to whom to attribute it is: "The criticism that hurts the most is the one that echoes my own self-condemnation." So, if my youngest child says, "Mom, you're getting fat." and I feel like a slug, it's because I already have that thought running around in my mind. If I felt and looked great and she told me that, I'd say to her, "You need glasses. I look awesome."

Kids are great at telling the truth, aren't they? When I was student teaching, I went to class one time with my hair naturally dried and it was very, very wavy. One of the boys said, "Mrs. Vaughan, your hair is messy." I said, "It's not messy. It's the natural look. I'm starting a new trend." He blinked twice and accepted it. ;)

The thing is, we have to be free to be ourselves, to express ourselves, to believe in ourselves. I can't harbor self-doubt just because some elementary school boy thinks my hair looks like a wreck. Nor can I (or should I) allow anyone to make me feel like my thoughts or words aren't worth speaking.

Nor should you.

Give voice to your thoughts. Share your feelings with others. Communicate. And listen to others when they express themselves.

The world will be a richer place.

Looking Ahead

It isn't even Thanksgiving yet and I am already looking ahead to Christmas. It is, by far, my favoriate of all holidays. Seeing our neighbor's houses all lit up, listening to Bing Crosby and Harry Connick, Jr.... mmmmmmmmm. I love it. Give me some warm cider and a quilt and my life is complete. ;)

Of course, I don't often slow down for that long - not enough to really enjoy it. But, it sounds good and it's something I can strive for. I am, by nature, a body in motion. It is actually very hard for me to relax... to sit still... to just ... BE.

Back to my thoughts on Christmas...

My daughters and I are going to do something a little different this Christmas. Instead of putting every ornament we own on the tree and praising God that it doesn't fall over, we are going to make all of our ornaments and garland this year. I have actually started to hand-crochet a red garland and my youngest, Kaley, is going to work on another chain. We are going to make ornaments out of yarn, dough, gingerbread, paper and anything else we can put our hands on.

I want to feel the hope and joy that IS Christmas. I want to touch my children with time, love, warmth and simplicity. I want to give them happiness and the wonder of creativity.

Each year, when we decorate our tree, I play Christmas music. We sing along and add our ornaments, reflecting on which one came from where and who gave us what... Each year ties us closer together just as it reminds us of our ties to the past. We have several strings of garland from my Dad's mom (the girls' great-grandmother). I have ornaments that my aunt gave me when I was a child.

There should be more meaning in the things we do every day. We exist, but we often do not LIVE. When we can tie our actions to specific goals, such as improving relationships, enhancing our minds, doing for others... then we become more real, more alive.

This Christmas, when we put the ornaments on the tree, we won't be thinking so much of the past as we will the "here and now". But we will be building memories for the future. We will always remember this Christmas as the "homemade tree holiday".

I look forward to looking back.

~Carla

Wearing Blinders

Do you ever feel like you are walking around wearing blinders? There is so much going on around us, and yet, we tune out those things we aren't interested in so that we can focus on the things we care about most. It's a way of filtering out some of our environment. I think it's a means of self-protection and even self-preservation.

Sure, I paid attention to the elections and upheld my Constitutional Right to vote. I just didn't get bogged down with the day-to-day diatribes from the various parties or even the media for that matter. I voted based on my own beliefs and not on what the media presented in their hyped, ratings-obsessed rantings.

My husband and I voted early. We took our youngest daughter with us as she was out of school. She saw the process and I even let her press the screen to select the choices for me. When I was done, I let her press the VOTE button at the top of the machine.

As a family, we talked about voting and why it's important. It's a right. It's an honor. It's a privilege that many people do not enjoy. Our country, even in it's worst state of immorality, corruption and divisiveness is still our home. It's up to each of us as citizens to make it a better place.

And yet, we filter out what we don't want to hear or see. Those blinders come in handy, don't they? And so America declines... and will continue to do so until we learn to distinguish between needs and wants, wants and rights, rights and entitlements, and TRUTH.

~Carla Vaughan